Art Critique

Now I know I bitch a lot about Japan, but not EVERYTHING is that bad. I teach little kids and believe it or not, the ones that don’t actively try to poke me in the ass, aren’t too bad. In fact some of them seem to actually like me. Some have even gone so far as to draw my likeness and present it to me as a present. So today I shall be examining three of these likenesses and critiquing the motives and inspirations that these eight-year-old artist have.

The first is a picture where I, all and all, look like an adorable anime character.



As you can see I have all of my limbs, I have huge eyes, and a funny gourd-shaped head. I especially like the fact that I’m wearing a sweatshirt with my name on it, you know, just incase I forget. All and all this picture gets a 10 on adorability. The stickers and random floating objects around me really add to the whole feel of things. Now the chair I can understand, since this chair is not set in perspective, but is in actual size, it portrays my relative size to the common furniture present in these class rooms. Yeah, big guy, little chair. The pencil and paper/notebook/thing floating on the left makes sense too, since I’m a teacher and teachers like pencils and notebooks, right? Now I got to admit, the floating orb of the right has gotten me a little confused. Is that a light? Maybe, but I’m not THAT tall. It might be my little special gaijin (foreigner…. or maybe better translated as “other”) device, making me all gaijin-y. Yeah we’ll go with that. Overall this picture is awesome, I bet you wish you had little 8 year-old girls drawing pictures of you, huh? Yeah, the cuteness is almost unbearable.

That brings us to the second picture, all and all not quite as well polished or cute as the last, but with a charm all its own.



This is me as the gaijin Robot. I do rather appreciate having the extra elbow on my right arm... that will definitely come in handy. As for what’s on my shirt/robotic body, it rather looks like my control knobs, or maybe it’s just a little design to match the floating balls within balls thing in the upper right. What is that, anyone know? Please let me know, cause I got nothing. The one thing that kinda freaks me out about this picture is the eyes. You see it? Each eye individually is no problem, but…. they’re different!!! I have one dot eye and one full eye. But I suppose this fits in with the whole robot motif, a different style eyeball to diversify my seeing capabilities. I guess what I like best about this picture is the fact that I look like I’m dancing. There is nothing better than a dancing robot. Rock!

Ok the last picture is the most resent.




I guess this is me as a 70’s porn star. Yes I do still wear plaid… has that gone out of style? Also note the arm hair. It’s strange, my arm hair is a big hit with the kids…. apparently no one in Japan has arm hair, so, even though I never really thought of my arms as particularly hairy (they really aren’t) the kids still love to pet my arms and feel the hair. I guess it kinda makes me furry like a huge, 300 pound rabbit. Yeah, it’s kinda strange, so thus, the big tuffs of arm hair in the pictures. Now apparently I have sketchy peach fuzz on my face…. this is rather perplexing to me since I had recently shaved right before the picture was drawn. But I guess I deserve it, my shaving habits in Japan have not been….. regular. Well, I guess they’re regular, but regularly sparse. So come Friday, I’m pretty scruffy looking… thus the facial scrub. The little people jumping around me are the students in that particular class (which happens to be my smallest, by far). That’s right, only four kid. So if you can read Japanese you can learn these kids name…. yeah, good luck with that.

So yeah, that is all the art for today. So until next time.

Undeniable proof that fallout gives you Pinkeye

So within minutes of my last post I got a phone call confirming that Fallout gives you pinkeye. Paul had just come from the eye doctor who gave us a confirmation of a second fallout/pinkeye outbreak. Since Paul is the only other person I know playing fallout right now, there is thus a 100% correlation between fallout and pinkeye. Yeah, I’m pretty sure my scientific reasoning is overwhelmingly air tight.

So apparently, in Japan, pinkeye isn’t contagious. The eye doctor gave Paul a clean bill of health and a note making him go back to work. Well I guess the Japanese have a lot of interesting views: like when nurses take blood, they don’t need to wear gloves… yeah, I guess that makes sense….

Also this whole blood type personality thing. In case you don’t know, the Japanese are big on this theory that your blood type has a direct bearing on your personality. It works much like our astrological system, only they take blood type personalities way more seriously. This is why in some video games, you can find out the blood type of each character. This is all well and good and kinda neat on some level…. until it starts affecting the way people treat one another.

Click here.

However, the idea of personality traits being influenced by blood type remains. Companies in Japan even had divided workers by blood type.

Here are the general ideas of each blood type. The Rh factor plays no role in the blood type/personality idea:

Type O:
Type O's are outgoing, and very social. They are initiators, although they don't always finish what they start. Creative and popular, they love to be the center of attention and appear very self confident.

Type A:
While outwardly calm, they have such high standards (perfectionists) that they tend to be balls of nerves on the inside. Type A's are the most artistic of the blood groups. They can be shy, are conscientious, trustworthy, and sensitive.

Type B:
Goal oriented and strong minded, type B's will start a task and continue it until completed, and completed well. Type B's are the individualists of the blood group categories and find their own way in life.

Type AB:
Type AB's are the split personalities of the blood groups. They can be both outgoing and shy, confident and timid. While responsible, too much responsibility will cause a problem. They are trustworthy and like to help others.

Compatability by Blood Groups:
A is most compatible with A and AB

B is most compatible with B and AB

AB is most compatible with AB, B, A and O

O is most compatible with O, and AB

I must admit that this reasoning is about as airtight as my pinkeye theories. Now here’s the kicker that really kinda scares me. I was reading in the Japan Times about this blood type craze in Japan. It turns out that this idea originally arose from Nazi Germany. Shortly after the discovery of blood types, this theory was applied, with the aim of proving that the Arian race, mostly A’s and O’s had superior blood types and therefore superior personalities. Now you might be thinking “hey the personalities of B and AB don’t seem that bad, what gives?” Well my theory is that these personalities have been subtly manipulated from the original ideas so that those possessing these blood types wouldn’t feel so bad. I guess my only basis for this assumption is the fact that most Japanese people tell me that a B blood type is usually very greedy and self centered. Man, I’d hate to be a B.

So, yeah, anyway, Japan latched onto this idea of blood type personalities, and though science has long since disproved it, it still holds sway in Japan. I guess reason doesn’t hold much weight here…. of course the west has its own problems with accepting reason…. I guess the point is, people are stupid.

Hungry Jack's

Hungry Jack's 

The Australian version of Burger King. See! I wasn't making this up!

Fallout gave me Pinkeye

So it comes down to this. In my nearly 10 months in Japan, I’ve remained relatively healthy, that is, until now. I have come down with a rather pronounced case of conjunctivitis.
Stupid Pink Eye! All the teacher at school think that I spent the last few nights out partying. I don’t know how many times I heard “are you tired?” Apparently in Japan, you can look tired in only one eye. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to say Pink Eye in Japanese, so yeah…. I’m infecting the school, and no one is the wiser. Mwahahaha I think it was one of the students that gave it too me in the first place. And now since no-one wants to see it, I present a rather blurry picture of my infected eye!


Pink eye!!!! 


Contrast that with a blurry picture of my good eye.


White eye!!! 



Now that none of you want to eat anything ever again, I can continue.

Actually, I don’t have much else to say about this.

So yeah, pink eye sucks. My friends use to love it cause they got to stay home from school, but NOOOOoo not me, my optometrist of a father sent me right in to school…. I guess it is actually relatively harmless, except it makes you look like a zombie. So yeah, I guess I’m a zombie…. I need to find some holy water! That’ll clear this right up. (for those of you not in the know, holy water is what cures the zombie status in many Final Fantasy games…. I mean come on people!!! it’s not THAT obscure a reference!)

Anywho, I’ll just go into school and scare all the kids…. Maybe that’ll keep there fingers from my butt…. Probably not, but I can dream…..

Fallout

So I’m playing it again: the best RPG of its day, and still a really good computer game, Fallout. This game kicks ass. Why does it kick ass? I’m glad you asked! Fallout kicks ass for two very good reasons. The first is that it is the first RPG video game that was actually an RPG… You could make what ever kind or character you wanted, and do whatever you want in the game. Paul has decided to kill everyone in the game. While this may not be the most fun way of play, it is one possible way. Right now I’m playing a weak, fast-talking character. He can talk his way out of almost every situation. It’s sweet. The second reason this game rocks is its genre: Post Apocalyptic. Can you say grit? This game combines all the best elements from Mad Max (one of the best movies EVER!) and many other post apocalyptic films and mixes it with a classic Sci-Fi story line, which includes: long lasting fallout shelters cut off from the outside world, a brotherhood devoted to maintaining technology and, of course, evil mutants bent of destroying all other life and world conquest. Fallout was followed by two sequels, neither of which I have played through, but both of which I hear good things about. And if all this hype wasn’t enough, the game has its own mascot.



Sweet.

Dude, I’m just like Link!

So while adventuring across Tokyo with my brother, we ventured into this music shop in Akihabara, Tokyo’s electronic discount area. While perusing through the rather large musical instrument area we stumbled across a section devoted to of Ocarinas. Sweet! This is the instrument Link plays in Zelda: Ocarina of Time. So we picked up a couple. This is my “Night Ocarina”


Night Ocarina 


So I’m learning to play it. Some of the fingerings are a little strange but for the most part, it is remarkably like a recorder. Unfortunately, I don’t have my N64 in Japan, so I have not figured out how to play all of Link’s cool songs yet… but I will… oh, yes….. I will.

See this?




This is going to be me in about 3 months when I get home and learn the kick ass songs….


I know, I know, this is the saddest thing you’ve read in a very…. VERY long time. I’m a nerd, what can I say.

And, to increase my nerd-dom even further, let me present this!


Coconut Rock 

This is a rock on the coast not to far from my apartment here in Japan. On it you can see an ancient Japanese tune… I believe it is a famous Japanese song about coconuts (no, it's not “I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts”…. nerd!). Anyway, since Zelda is a Japanese game, and many things about Japan can be learned through their video games, I figure that I’ll take my ocarina to this stone and play the magic melody. I assume that once I do this, a melodic chiming will sound out of no where (do-be-da do-be-da), and a secret stair case will suddenly appear. Once I descend, I assume I’ll find some sort of magic sword and a quest to save some beautiful maiden in distress. Once I over come many violent, but aimlessly wandering, agents of the dark power, I will meet some sort of Dark Lord, overcome his immensely powerful magic and cunning by using nothing but my ocarina, my sword, a shield--which I’ll buy for 50 rubies--and a stock of magic potions that instantly heal any injury that I might obtain. (I just hope the Dark Lord does learn about these potions… then I’d be screwed!) Anywho, after vanquishing my foes, the Lovely young Maiden will fall desperately in love with me, and we’ll live happily ever after.... (I just hope she speaks English….. or at least comes with subtitles)

Yeah, it's either I find the secret passage, or..... I get turned into a coconut. That would suck, I'd be like "Damn.... I'm a coconut..... this sucks."

Ok, now if you want to smack me, I understand, just remember that I’m very far away from you and you can't reach me, so I can get away with posting crap like this….. so…. HAHA!

I'm a winner!!!!

The computer told me so!


I'm a Winner!!!! 


Yeah, I'm kinda proud of this, spider solitaire is really hard with four suits!!! No it really is! Alright Mr. Confidence, you do it and e-mail me the screen shot..... That should shut you up!..... Anyway, lately I have needed to be a winner at something, and my computer helped me out.... not that I like my piece of crap computer, but.... well sometimes it comes through for me.

My life is a country music song.

My car broke down, my computer is a piece of crap, the nation of Australia is after me for an un-paid speeding ticket, and little kids are constantly trying to stick the fingers up my ass.

So, yeah, my car broke down…… again. This time it was really inconvenient since I was trying to drive my brother and father back to my apartment for their last night in Japan. Anyway, through quick thinking and INCREDIBLE skill….. (yeah….. skill, that’s it….) I managed to get us home. Now the guy how I’m renting this car from had had it, and he drove down today to give me another car (one the wouldn’t break so much?). So, I have gone from driving a small but sporty car with a fair size engine to driving the grandma mobile: a maroon car that sits about 2 inches off the ground, is big enough for me to fit in….. if I role down the windows and keep the trunk open…. and has, I think, a one and a half cylinder engine. It’s pretty sweet. I’m thinking about taking it out on the town this weekend, you know, cruse around… pick up chicks…. you know, the usual.

My computer…. Well, it’s the same as it has always been; only now I think I know the reason…. After sending it into the shop a couple times and, after a month, having it come back with the memory wiped, but with the problem still quite prominent, I have discovered that the CPU is flawed…. Freaken great, I should get it fixed before the warranty goes, but, man alive, I don’t wanna be without my computer for another month…. that sucks.

So yeah, I got a speed ticket in Australia, welcome to down-under! Yeah the ticket ($600!!!) was complete bullshit, they got me going 84 in a 50 (kph) successfully nabbing a foreigner who didn’t realize that the speed limit had dropped from the 110 it had previously been. Well I’m a little bitter about it, and it certainly didn’t make my stay in Australia any more pleasant. Yeah, I don’t think I'll be going back there…. But I guess the Australian government outsources there bill collection responsibility, so my Dad got a harassing letter addressed to me from that lovely government down-under. Yeah, so I caved and paid the blank-a-ty-blank ticket. Freaken aussies.

And kids are still trying to stick their fingers up my ass….

Ok, bitch session over, just had to get that out of my system. Now it’s time for burritos!!!

Rock!!!!! ........ Garden!!!!

Famous rock garden in Kyoto 


Yeah........ rock gardens kick ass.

Mr. Roboto

So I guess the Japanese have this thing for robots. It’s actually kinda cool. I mean I’ve been in Japan for almost nine months, and I haven’t really seen much here that I couldn’t find in America or any other civilized nation. However, during my recent trip to Tokyo, I was impressed by the Japanese development of robotics. Now, I’m not talking about robotic arms that perform a duty on an assembly line (of which Japan does have quite a few). I’m talking about robots that look like humans or like other animals. Pretty much anything that doesn’t need to be plugged in.

I went to the Sony building in Tokyo. It was filled with Sony stuff, and rather reminded me of Best Buy: Cool stuff, but nothing new. Nothing new, that was, until I came across Aibo. Aibo is a robotic dog that sits and pants and wags its tail and will respond to a pat on the head or other such stimuli. These things were pretty neat. I saw a demonstration where four dogs danced in unison. The dog also came with a little fetch stick and a ball. However, for $3000 I prefer a pet that I wouldn’t get bored with and put away in a box after a month (this is why I won’t get a bird, stupid animal right….). I think I’ll stick to real dog, much cheaper and more loyal. A robotic cat, however…….


Aibo 

Next I went to the Museum of Emerging Technology…. pretty cool place. There I saw Asimo, the humanoid robot from Honda. It was fairly scary the human-like movements this robot could do. It was actually almost graceful, more graceful, in fact, than I am (I know, I know… not hard). This robot was cool. He came out, waved, said something in a high squeaky Japanese voice (not doubt meant to appeal to the kids) played Rock, Paper, Scissors with the kids, and walked backwards, disappearing behind a descending garage-style door.


Asimo 


Though those were the only robots I saw, other cool robots include the information robot, the custodian robot, and the security robot at the World Expo. (Man, I got to get to this Expo thing; it’s just down the street) So yeah! Robots are cool!

Wombats!

So I recently traveled to Australia and New Zealand. While in Australia I came across a new animal; I had heard the name before, but never seen a picture. This animal was the Wombat!!! This is a photo of the first Wombat I ever saw.


The Common Wombat 


These things kick ass. They are about three feet long, burrow underground, have little fear of humans and can be incredible moody and grumpy...... my kind of animal! The sleep during the day and eat and chew on things during the day. Google them, they rock!

I guess the remind me of my old rat Chester, but on a mammoth scale.


Chester!!! 


So, yeah! Wombats kick ass!

Ninjas!!!

So living in Japan I have to be very careful about sudden ninja attacks. But, as this documentary clearly demonstrates, ninjas can be good peoples.

Ninja Documentary

Actually, during my recent trip to Tokyo I had the rare opportunity to visit a Ninja hideout and dine on the secret ninja cuisine (which, though delicious, was an awful lot like regular Japanese food, just more creatively presented).

The hide out was discretely named “Ninja.” After arranging the meeting through secure anonymous channels (aka the internet) my family and I arrived at the entrance to the Ninja conclave. After a ninja host led us through secret (and small) tunnels we arrived at the Ninja base. There a lovely young female ninja took our orders and served us.


Ninja waitress 


We then practiced our ninja skills.


Ninja Evan 

After dinner we had some secret ninja desserts.



Ice cream! 

After dining a Ninja came and demonstrated some age old ninja techniques (magic tricks).


Magic Ninja 

When it was time to leave the Ninja’s showed us out.


Ninja Farewell 

And with a final farewell they were gone.


Last Message 

Yeah, Ninjas are cool.

Tsunami!!!

Tsunami!!! 


(Paul tells me the sign actually says something like "be careful of high waves"..... a Tsunami is a high wave!)